POLITICS

What is this shit that we can't balance the budget and have millions of new jobs at the same time. Those in the senate and congress that believe that horseshit should resign immediately, and let new people take over and do it and solve the problems.

TIGER WOODS

Tiger is addicted to Golf not sex, if he gives up his sex life he might not be able to hit the ball 50 yards... so leave him alone.

Diet

Divide the pie into unequal pieces at a family party-then select your future weight gain.

Attention Young People

Las Vegas is a great place for you to train for FAILURE!

HIRE YOUR BUDDY

The "hire your buddy" system is not working in the government nor private enterprise... the Janitor should be the President, and the President should be the Janitor!

Coming Home

Your wife has a headache

Your washer goes out

You lost your checkbook

You forget your office key

You slip on ice

and you have a sore throat...

Your best bet is to enjoy the hell out of it!!

Vacation

If you go on a 2 week vacation and drive from San Francisco to Florida with your friends, and they are all constipated, and you're not...YOU ARE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE!!